OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
