Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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