When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
