What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
