lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
