Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
