Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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