He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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