Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
