I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
