if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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