I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
