just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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