Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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