I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
