Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But we have bathrooms and they dont
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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