im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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