There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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