Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize