my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
