know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
