Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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