take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
