They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
