I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
