There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
