You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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