did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
