well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
