Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
