I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
