i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
