Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
