I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
