farters have to be the big spoon...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
