oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
