P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
