the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
God, I missed his penis.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
