okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
