It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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