worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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