The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
