My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
