Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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