Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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