A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
