Who wears a wallet chain?!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
