you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
