Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize