Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
