goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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