So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
