Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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