I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
wow bdsm is so cute
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