wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
