no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
