He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize