I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
