dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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