I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
