I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
