listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The Olympian is in my bed
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
