He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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