why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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