Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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