So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
