he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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