Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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