Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
