There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
