you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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