at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
