bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
