His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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