Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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