Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
