420 ftw
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
