her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
